Remember when Homeland Security first announced their color-coded threat levels? Green meant you could go about your daily life, yellow meant you could go about your daily life after popping a Xanax and red meant you'd be safer in Baghdad?
Well, the color-coded threat levels are gone now, because, like your mom, Homeland Security has just discovered Twitter. Terror threat announcements will now come in two varieties, elevated and imminent, and they'll be tweeted to your phone and accessible via Facebook.
And what about those cranks who refuse to join the Twitterati? Not to worry: Homeland Security will be sure to also send enough information to "federal, state, and local leaders" to ensure nationwide panic.
So now, along with learning about Oprah's favorite book or whatever energy juice Charlie Sheen is currently pedaling on Twitter, you can also learn about suspicious backpacks in airports and threats to our nation's capital!