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Doodle Dash - What a Bore!
Tested version: 1.0
Latest version: 1.1
Requires Android: from 2.1
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Summary
The Android Market may be full of amazing games, but it also has its fair shares of bland and average ones. Doodle Dash is such an epic flop that it redefines the concept of a bad game. Find out how Doodle Dash will make you wish you never had a smartphone in today’s test.
Features & Use
“Attention, soldiers! Our next mission will lead us into an environment with subzero temperatures. It’s to you boys to get rid of those legendary ice creatures known by some as yetis. So hear me boys and listen to me good: kill every one of those bloody beasts and leave no prisoners. Load your shotguns and let the party begin!”
This is what the game’s first mission introduction would sound like if it actually had a story. But it simply doesn’t have one. So there’s none of the fancy wrapping and your goal is simple: run, jump and shoot. This type of game can be seriously awesome (think of Serious Sam, Duke Nukem, Rayman etc.) or it can be a piece of miserable crap like Doodle Dash.
Every level is exactly the same: a small soldier sprints across the screen on auto-run and you have to make him shoot everything in his path as well as jump across occasional barriers. Additional weapons such as electric canons, lasers and sniper rifles can be picked along the way and – most surprisingly of all – there’s also a car to be found. That’s about as exciting as playing pong in 1982 or watching minor league baseball. There’s no dialogue, no concept, no variety. Every level is the same old thing: destroy all the yetis in sight.
There’s nothing more stupid and absurd than game where all you do is shoot yetis, aliens or ninjas! At first I thought that this game was poking fun at old-school shooter or trying to be retro-funny. But the worst thing is that Doodle Dash isn’t a joke and takes itself very seriously. Honestly, this game is boring times a million. All the levels are basically the same and there is no clear progression or connection between them. Except for the occasional alien that appears out of nowhere, all of the enemies are always identical-looking yetis.
And these yetis are not just zombie-like, but they offer no resistance to your attacks. All they can do is advance forward at you – without any weapons or jumping skills. It takes zero and I mean truly zero skill to wipe these guys of the face of the (snowy) earth.
Bottom Line: Doodle Dash is worth a download…just so that you can enjoy the pleasure of uninstalling immediately after. Maybe some gaming freaks will find Doodle Dash alternative and quirky enough to be play-worthy, but I hold my ground and firmly believe that this game is an epic piece of junk.
Screen & Controls
Doodle Dash’s comicbook-like actually isn’t all that bad. The problem is that there is absolutely no variety! The background never moves or changes and every level looks identical. Adding the bare minimum of at least two different yetis proved to be a challenge to difficult to overcome for this team of developers.
And to top things off: the jumping and shooting buttons have a tendency of disappearing from the screen from time to time which is guaranteed to cost you lives. Generally speaking, Doodle Dash also looks blurry and washed out on all Android screens.
Speed & Stability
Surprisingly, Doodle Dash didn’t screw anything up in this section. The game performs reliably and never crashes.
Price/Performance Ratio
Doodle Dash is available for free from the Android Market, but there are ads in the menus. Good apps with ads usually receive four stars, but since Doodle Dash is just an epic fail I am going to have to lower the bar accordingly.
Comparable Apps
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SPLabs
Whilst your review may be warranted, I really hope the developer didn't pay for this review...