We all know those generalizations about Android and iPhone – that iPhone owners earn more money and have more sex, Android owners consume more porn and so on – but a new study has revealed something a little more interesting: iPhone owners are 50 percent dirtier than Android owners.
Brighthouse, a UK online retailer, commissioned a study to find out which household gadgets are the cleanest. Brighthouse tested 170 items, including game controllers, remote controls, laptops and 38 different phones – 24 iPhones and 14 Android. Of these, the iPhones were found to be 50 percent dirtier than their Android equivalents.
A 'hygiene score' of 100 was deemed acceptable for devices such as these, but the average smartphone scored a horrifying 697 (and one iPhone 5s owner scored a terrifying 3,060!).
On a 'threat scale' of one to 10, smartphones in general came in at a worrying eight – the most threatening category of household objects on the list. Tablets weren't much better, although Apple tablets were found to be five times dirtier than the recommended level.
So, what gives? We put our dirty minds to the task of unravelling this filthy mystery, and present for you here a list of like, totally scientific reasons why iPhones might be dirtier than Androids.
Android owners 'clean up' more often
Let's assume Android users are indeed a little more porn-obsessed than your average iPhone owner. If this is true, then maybe Android owners are a little more prone to 'cleaning up'. That would explain why Android owners have cleaner smartphones than their Apple counterparts.
Android owners keep their phones longer
We all know most Apple fanboys insta-buy whatever the latest Apple product is, and that many of them are on a yearly upgrade schedule. Compare this to us poor, uneducated Android owners (that claim's in a study too).
We have to keep our phones for several years, so we tend to look after them a little better than than those flush, consumerist iPhone owners, who, we assume, simply buy a new phone whenever the old one gets dirty.
Won't someone think about the children?
If iPhone owners are having more sex, perhaps that also means that iPhone owners have more children. Those children have sticky fingers and those sticky fingers are getting all over the iPad. Maybe. When in doubt, blame the kids. Or the dog. It was probably the dog.
iPhone owners are more vain
Perhaps not surprisingly, iPhone owners also rated themselves more better looking than their BlackBerry and Android owning counterparts. Apple users also spend more money on clothes and grooming each year. Maybe the average iPhone user is too busy grooming themselves to actually clean their phone. Or they've just gotten a lot of hair goo, fake tan and spot cream all over their phones.
Android owners have better manners and cleaning habits
The same study responsible for around half of the silly claims about Phone and Android owners also came up with this little gem: Android owners have better manners and are better in the kitchen. So when an Android owner spills something, they clean it up and carry on with that duck confit they were making.
On the other hand, iPhone owners are more prone to make a huge mess and run away from the scene of the crime, complete with a dirty phone in their pocket. That actually sounds like another one you can blame on the kids, come to think of it. At least the dog might clean up the mess.
So there you have it. Those are our best tongue-in-cheek guesses to explain why iPhone owners are dirtier than Android owners. If you've got alternative explanations to unravel this mystery, feel free to share them in the comments below. The winner gets a cleaning cloth. Actually no, they don't. We don't have any to spare. They're all being used.